Friday, December 28, 2012

The Guilt Trip




Too benign & generic to hate, too benign & generic to really bother with at all.

The real point of the film that sticks with me is the "movie math" that casts an actress over 70 as a woman in her early 50s-- very distracting!





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Tuesday, December 25, 2012

This is 40



They really have the start of something great here.

Now all we've got to do is do away with half of the family, and give the surviving cast members a story that's NOT a 2-hour steamroller of misery.




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Monday, December 24, 2012

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey



Barely watchable, due to its unending display of extreme beard fetishism.  

On the positive side, it was mostly intelligible, and it really made me want to go back & watch the original version of the film.



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Life of Pi


Missing some bits from the book that really make the story, and lacking just about everything in the way of suspense.

But if you can get all around that, it's truly enjoyable.



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Friday, November 23, 2012

Silver Linings Playbook



Anyone who's sat through the preview already know this movie has something to do with dysfunction, I mean, what with the guy jogging around in a Hefty bag & all.

I think what the film points out, though, is we're every single one of us "nuts" in our own way--and football fans most of all--word.





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Thursday, November 22, 2012

Jab Tak Hai Jaan




Never mind the attempts at lip-synching that don't actually count as "attempts"--seriously, no nit-picking--never mind those.


There is absolutely nothing at all wrong with this movie--nothing at all that shaving about an hour off of the interminable running time wouldn't solve.




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Paperman



In my review of "Wreck-It Ralph," I forgot to mention the absolutely best part of that movie.

It was this amazing, creative, short that aired before the movie, and featured a beautiful classically-animated style!





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Lincoln



Hey-- where were all of the effing vampires they promised?

It's like the time I went to see "Pride & Prejudice," and discovered the zombies were a lie.





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Wreck-It Ralph



What was so great about this movie was seeing all of the classic video game characters, and watching for semi-hidden references in the background--it's a shame the pedestrian story ended up getting in the way!

This feature really would have benefited from having its best bits pared down to an eight-minute, star-packed comedy.





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Flight


The pilot in this film is named Whip Whitaker, which somehow reminds me of some other famous pilot.  

The movie is not like its own preview, which in this case, is a shame.



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Monday, November 12, 2012

Luv Shuv Tey Chicken Khurana

If the movie ever spins itself off into frozen dinners, this would make an OK box.
I don't know if they'll want to be totally honest on the ingredients label, though.


I enjoyed this movie that is sort-of-tangentially-but hardly-at-all-really about cooking tasty food, and it gave me an idea for a recipe that surely someone, somewhere has tried before.

It would be helpful, wouldn't it, to counteract heartburn & stomach upset by slipping pepto right into the food!



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Thursday, November 8, 2012

Skyfall



Enough Bonds-y goodness to keep the franchise going for years, and soooo much wall-to-wall action that there is absolutely no room for a bathroom break within its 142-minute runtime.

I really feel sorry for the folks who have to clean these theaters between showings.



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Cloud Atlas



Between Tom Hanks trying to act to the degree that shoppers at the Target next door could feel it in their molars, and the neo-blackface makeup attempts, this movie is a lot to try to take in.

By the time the guy from The Matrix--the one who is not either Lawrence Fishburne or Keanu--showed up trying to play an Asian dude, we bailed.



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Argo


If you don't love the great drama, you'll love the sci-fi-takeoff-cheesy bits; if neither of those appeals to you, you'll marvel at the real-life roots if the story.

If none of those is the case, to hell with you.



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Student of the Year





Does eye candy make for an interesting movie?

Not if you have interests beyond eye candy, no--not much at all.




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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Seven Psychopaths



Pause, pause, bang-bang, pause, choke, bang, pause, pause, bang-bang-bang-bang, slash, slash, pause, bang-bang, etcetera.

And one great, big long YAWN.




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Hotel Transylvania



Not a bad movie--though certainly not a great one--I guess I'm just happy to watch an animated movie that is not yet another Dreamworks or Pixar retread-sequel.

I couldn't tell from listening that Adam Sandler was the lead, so major points for that.



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The Perks of Being a Wallflower



Interesting to see the movie adaptation of a book being written & directed by that book's author.  

Believe it or not, it even ends up being a good adaptation.




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English Vinglish



So good, and so fun to watch, it could have been a Top-3 box-office hit.

That is, if it weren't for the fact that American audiences don't like to read their movies.





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Saturday, October 6, 2012

OMG Oh My God!



Where George Burns & Morgan Freeman have gone before, here comes Akshay Kumar in a comedy that manages to bring organized religion & its leaders to their knees, while still making God himself come off as one cool guy.

A miraculous feat, indeed.




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Looper



Jo-Go Levitt played a young Bruce Willis, and as good as the makeup job actually was, I still found it rather jarring.

My initial thought was, "why don't they make their appearances meet in the middle?," which is of course ridiculous; Levitt is an actor, willing to do absolutely whatever it takes for a role, while Willis is a movie star, willing to make people do absolutely whatever it takes for him.



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Pitch Perfect



When it comes to filmed entertainment about karaoke-lovin' teens, I gotta say, I much prefer this to "Glee."

Being as the movie is about acapella groups, I didn't end up with a headache at the end from continually wondering where the orchestra was hiding.



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End of Watch


The conceit of having a police officer film his days is interesting enough, but the device is not followed consistently, and there is no payoff at the end.

Got to wonder if the script was not seen as "interesting enough" WITHOUT this unexpertly-utilized trick.



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Somewhere Between



Girls born into China's "One Child" policy, and then adopted into the U.S.: they've endured so much, and it's hard to watch some of the things they've had to endure.

Especially considering the low-quality video that's barely got enough resolution for a large TV, let alone a small movie screen.



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Saturday, September 22, 2012

Heroine



Dramatic moments are accompanied by over-the-top swells of music & choppy cuts, indicating the filmmakers don't trust their own writing.

The abrupt, pasted-on ten-second voice-over "this is how it ends" faux conclusion proves they were right to doubt themselves.



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Raiders of the Lost Ark



The bad news regarding this re-release is that it would seem they did nothing to clean up the old print.

The good news is how much it reminded me of the Disneyland ride.




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Hit & Run



This is like a Fast & Furious movie for people who like to take a nice-sized nap between race sequences.

Writer/co-director Dax Shepard fills this movie with many of his more well-known friends -- all of whom he now owes unspeakably-large favors.



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Friday, September 21, 2012

Barfi!



Loved the physical humor, the more-subtle approach, and the fact they actually stuck with the same story after the intermission.

Of course, my eyes are still rolling over the handy way they dispatched with the inconvenient love triangle.




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Thursday, September 13, 2012

Raula Pai Gaya - Fun Unlimited




A singularly-awful movie: "comedy" accentuated by the overuse of sound effects rather by creating actual laughs, editing that would be mocked by an eighth-grader on YouTube, and perhaps the worst & most unnecessary attempted use of CGI I have ever seen.

If I had actually liked anything about the movie, I would have been irritated by the incompetent subtitling, which went out at random, and when it was on, employed spelling & grammar only marginally better than that which I've seen on signs at Tea Party rallies.



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ParaNorman



A beautiful animated film that adults can enjoy--artistically-crafted, funny, and smart.

Which is fine, I guess, if that's the kind of thing you are into.



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Monday, September 10, 2012

For a Good Time Call...



I saw many comparisons of this film to Bridesmaids, which makes no sense as that movie was a comedy.

The only laugh I got from this thing was the fact that it played at Sundance.






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Saturday, September 8, 2012

Joker




Will the evil American destroy our hero's plan to fake an alien landing (and thus save his village)?

The horrible Western actors in Bollywood films must NEVER win!



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Savages




The best part of this entire violent, drug-addled mess (apart from a brief glimpse of naughty fun) is when Selma Hayek finally tears off her damned Prince Valiant pageboy wig.

Sadly, she's plopped it right back on by the next scene.



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Friday, September 7, 2012

The Intouchables



French friendship--on wheels!

Of course, if this were an American movie, there'd be a sequel involving the quadriplegic & his caretaker switching roles.



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Ek Tha Tiger



Makes at least as much sense as any other action/spy movie, even setting itself up for possible sequels.

Not sure how much it does for India/Pakistan relations, though.




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The Bourne Legacy



What the-- after all we have to sit through here, the movie doesn't even end.

It just... ends.



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Ruby Sparks




Man makes himself a real-live love doll, and then everything blows up.

Its sorta like Lars and the Real Girl, only not nearly at all as good.



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Sleepwalk with Me


Mostly harmless, if you can get over all the cringe-worthy bits (of which there are many).

I'd rather see a straight-up documentary with stand-up inserts--but the good news is, it certainly didn't put me to sleep.



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Cocktail



It's ridiculous to call out a Bollywood film for being realistic--but this is a ridiculous website, so let me say these two woman really handled the whole situation way too well.

Also, I am happy to report this film has nothing to do with Tom Cruise.



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The Dark Knight Rises



So lacking in fun, one almost wishes they'd brought in Adam West for this one.

Sure, I'd still be bitching--but I'd probably go back to see it a second time!




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Thursday, September 6, 2012

Celeste and Jesse Forever



A former couple has difficulty separating after their divorce.

The movie--much like the relationships--is sweet, though filled with messy loose ends.




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Robot and Frank


Old man gets constant stimulation from a special electronic friend.

It's a really great movie, though not nearly as hot as I am making it sound.




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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

To Rome with Love



What the hell was that mess?

It was the unsatisfying detritus one gets from apparently trying to blend "The Love Boat" with a half-remembered New Yorker cartoon.


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Thursday, July 12, 2012

Ted



Funny & fowl, this plays a lot like what it sorta is: a long-form edition of "Family Guy."

The main thing that could have made it better would have been to cut it down by about the length of one "Family Guy"episode.





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Sunday, July 8, 2012

Bol Bachchan



I think this movie's biggest mistake is the fact it is being widely-billed as a comedy--and most of the time, it doesn't even seem to be trying to be funny.

Bonus points, though, for not subtitling the musical numbers; that tells me that I can safely take a bathroom break without worrying that the plot might be furthered.




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Saturday, July 7, 2012

The Amazing Spider-Man




Whoa-- "Amazing" is right!

Super-exciting & fun, with lots of surprises, even for spider-fans (SPOILER ALERT: Uncle Ben still dies).





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Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Teri Meri Kahaani



What I love most about this movie is the bouncy music, bright color & joyful cheesiness; the filmmakers really put a lot into delivering a movie-lover's version of the retro eras depicted.

What makes me most sad is that--and this is based upon the fact the three stories take place a mere 50 years apart--our first two sets of protagonists must have died horribly young!




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Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Safety Not Guaranteed


The most low-tech "time machine" movie I've ever seen, and the only one where it didn't matter if they ever went back in time.


Which they either did or didn't--what am I gonna do, ruin it for you?




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Rowdy Rathore



Lead actor Akshay Kumar plays two characters, one of whom has faked his death in a flash-forward scene, and one of whom (not necessarily the other) dies (or fakes it) later on in the action.

It doesn't matter if you are confused now or during the watching of the film, or even whether you can recall any of what happened later--because the goings-on are that much fun to watch.



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Prometheus



Started out with an interesting premise, but then gave that up to go the shock-shock-horror-horror route.

And after that, got REALLY ridiculous.





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