Saturday, July 4, 2009

2-Sentence Movie Reviews, Catch-Up Edition

Food, Inc.

The food we eat represents bad karma for us, the workers, the ‘nanimals & the environment.

This takes a couple of hours to explain; the actual solution to the problem merits a few quick lines before the credits.

Whatever Works

Through the magic of Woody Allen, professional f*wad Larry David gets with three women young enough to be his daughter—or granddaughter.

The mixture of laughs and lulls is complemented beautifully by a fine mélange of great acting and hackery.

The Proposal

The film supposedly stars the forced-together May-August couple Ryan Reynolds & Sandra Bullock, but I went to see awesome Decemberite Betty White.

I did not leave disappointed.

The Taking of Pelham 123

John Travolta is a deranged madman; Denzel must try to save the day.

Have you figured out how things end, yet?

My Sister’s Keeper

Abigail Breslin sues for the rights to her own body—or at least that’s what the preview promised.

The actual film was much more episodic, uninteresting, and predictable.

Year One

Jack Black & Michael Cera co-star in a Bible-meets-Bedrock flick that was not as good as I expected.

Which should give you a hint as to its true near-awfulness.

Land of the Lost

That damned Will Ferrell just can’t keep his shirt on, can he?!?

The best thing I can say is that at least those old geezers the Krofft brothers made a little pocket change.

The Hangover

This much-ballyhooed dirty pre-wedding bender movie was—SHOCKER—not nearly as good as it was hyped up to be.

And I think the world could have gone on without the naked guy with the fake accent that just sent filmdom back 20 years.

Away We Go

Sure, the young-couple-takes-road-trip-to-visit-family movie has done before—but I don’t think in a way that didn’t make me want to kill everyone on the screen!

Just half of them, this time.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

I’d call this better than the first one.

Don’t think that means I’m hoping for a part three, though.


It’s okay—fine—but certainly not as good as Wall-E or Kung Fu Panda.

Nor, I’ll add, is it as good as Ratatouille, or Bolt, or Meet the Robinsons, or—well, you get the point.

The Brothers Bloom

It’s fun watching two boys con a whole schoolyard of children.

They grow up within ten minutes, but their adult cons are pretty fun, too.

Star Trek

Could have been disastrous, especially with the part about bringing back the original Spock from the cheesy 60s TV show.

Happily, this is so good, the fact that there will be sequels is actually something to be welcomed.

Angels & Demons

Apparently Tom Hanks is plenty bankable, but no action star.

How else to explain that the best, most suspenseful & cool, sequences from the book were eviscerated for the film version?

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

More action, more roaring, more mutton chops.

And more sequels to come.


Disney has apparently decided to release a nature film every year on Earth Day.

It’s a BBC animal doc translated for the big screen, and it’s great fun!

The Soloist

Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. are Oscar-worthy as ever in based-on-a-true-story roles.

Another book to add to my reading list.

17 Again

Promised to be an awful film, and then actually kinda broke that promise.

Made me almost feel ashamed for judging Zac Ephron before I’d even seen any of his work.

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