Joker

In the last line before the intermission, a woman tells a man she will marry him if he installs a toilet.

Of course, I had to come back after the break.



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Housefull 3

Crime don Urja Nagre has three beautiful daughters.

It is a true shame that not one of them can act.




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Love & Friendship

This is a simply wonderful film to see if you are out & about, and in need of a nap.

There are neither any loud noises, nor anything else at all that might keep you awake.

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Keanu

This is so bad, so devoid of laughs, it makes me worry for Key & Peele's futures.

The only thing more unfunny than this movie is the previews that were played beforehand.



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A Hologram for the King

Nothing happens in this movie; even Ben Whishaw--Q from the Bond movies, who is allegedly in here someplace--disappears into this sleepy mess.

The snorkeling scene is nice, though.



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My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2

I never saw the original, but this movie stars a cast of unknowns who apparently all made one movie about 15 years ago.

The one other group of people in my screening were laughing so hard, I figured they were either: a) Greek; or, like me, seeing the parallels to The Addams Family.

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Pyaar Ka Punchnama 2

There was a 12-minute rant about 3/4 of the way through the film that I enjoyed.

Yeah, that was the good part of the movie.


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Pawn Sacrifice

The movie experience was like watching people playing chess--heavily-made-up people playing chess.

Tobey Maguire was fine, I guess (in a very Tobey Maguirey kinda way), but who I really would have loved seeing tackle this role: Andrew Garfield.



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Pan

Why was the character of Tiger Lily whitewashed, how is it Captain Hook is more like Indiana Jones, and why the HECK are the pirates singing Nirvana & The Ramones?!?

I sat through this thing thinking of the far superior prequel stories written by Dave Barry & Ridley Pearson.



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The Intern

What we have here, essentially, is two pretty big stars playing in a really bland made-for-television movie.

One you may actually enjoy, after about 40 minutes is cut away for commercials, and providing you fall asleep well before the ending.



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Kingsman: The Secret Service

Here it is, the movie that asks, "can the later Roger Moore James Bond films be out-overdone?"; the answer, as it turns out, is "oh, hell, yes"--but why, I ask, would one actually WANT to?

I started out mildly amused, but at some point grew to hate the entire thing.


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Khoobsurat

Surely this Disney take on a Bollywood flick pleases fans of neither.

Everything that makes Bollywood fun had been watered down--and a princess plot added--in what looked like the results of binge watching Disney Channel made-for-TV movies.

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Kick

Sad psychiatrist meets adrenaline junkie.

What happens next has all the acting subtlety of a Disneyland stage show.


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Palo Alto

I enjoy small, independent films just fine, but if it's thought-provoking exploration of a theme you want, you would be better off viewing The Amazing Spider-Man 2.

Also, I think a better name for this movie would probably have been "Daly City."

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Oscar Nominated Short Films 2014: Animation

A bunch of sh!t, and also a Mickey Mouse cartoon.  

Actually, I liked two of them--three, if you count the ostrich & giraffe "hosts" (they would be my second-favorite). 


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This is 40

They really have the start of something great here.

Now all we've got to do is do away with half of the family, and give the surviving cast members a story that's NOT a 2-hour steamroller of misery.

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Flight

The pilot in this film is named Whip Whitaker, which somehow reminds me of some other famous pilot.  

The movie is not like its own preview, which in this case, is a shame.

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Cloud Atlas

Between Tom Hanks trying to act to the degree that shoppers at the Target next door could feel it in their molars, and the neo-blackface makeup attempts, this movie is a lot to try to take in.

By the time the guy from The Matrix--the one who is not either Lawrence Fishburne or Keanu--showed up trying to play an Asian dude, we bailed.

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Seven Psychopaths

Pause, pause, bang-bang, pause, choke, bang, pause, pause, bang-bang-bang-bang, slash, slash, pause, bang-bang, etcetera.

And one great, big long YAWN.

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Heroine

Dramatic moments are accompanied by over-the-top swells of music & choppy cuts, indicating the filmmakers don't trust their own writing.

The abrupt, pasted-on ten-second voice-over "this is how it ends" faux conclusion proves they were right to doubt themselves.



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